By Karen Anderson, Club Humorist
It’s fall, and that means we’ve made it through the strangest spring and summer in recent memory. Just in time for Halloween, let’s tally up your household’s Shutdown Score.
No matter what kind of house, or household, you live in, I’m betting you’ve racked up quite a few points in at least one of the following categories:
Outdoor Living
- Planted a pandemic garden (1 point)
- Harvested something edible from your garden (1 point for any crop other than zucchini)
- Added or expanded an outdoor recreation space, such as a patio or deck (2 points)
- Rediscovered an existing outdoor recreation space and rehabilitated it to the point that it is now usable (1 point)
- Found a good outdoor chaise and spent the summer reading a book (3 points)
- Became a lawn fanatic and deployed your lawnmower, weed whacker, and leaf blower on a weekly basis (-2 points)
Food and Cooking
- Bought a new cookbook (1 point)
- Cooked a recipe from the new cookbook (2 points)
- Cooked a recipe from the new cookbook that you would be willing to eat again (3 points)
- Ordered takeout (1 point)
- Ordered takeout from a local restaurant you’d never tried before (2 points)
- Cooked a dish using food or herbs grown in your pandemic garden (1 point)
- Cooked a dish using mushrooms you discovered while walking around the neighborhood (-2 points)
Pets and Wildlife
- Adopted a dog, cat, rabbit, or other small domestic pet (1 point per new pet)
- Your neighbor adopted a barking dog or a flock of squawking chickens (-1 point unless they are giving you chicken eggs, in which case, score 1 point)
- Local rabbits and raccoons ate everything in your pandemic garden. Except the zucchini. (-2 points)
Social Life
- Got back in touch with old college friends (1 point each)
- Got back in touch with old high school friends (2 points each — but only if you could recognize each other on Zoom)
- Got back in touch with long-lost family members (1 point)
- Got back in touch with former in-laws (2 points, for courage)
- Got back in touch with a mentor or teacher who was a positive influence on your life (3 points)
Work and Volunteering
- Attended an online meeting for work or a volunteer role (1 point)
- Attended an online meeting that included at least one cat, dog, or child (2 points)
- Survived an online meeting that included a neighbor running a lawnmower, leaf blower, or weed whacker (3 points)
Home Repair and Remodeling
- Repaired, replaced, or removed that one thing about your house that was driving you crazy (1 point)
- Completed a home repair project without discovering in the process two other things that then had to be repaired, replaced, or removed (3 points)
- Cleaned out an attic, basement, garage, or garden shed (1 point per project)
Hobbies and Entertainment
- Took up a hobby (1 point)
- You, your partner, or your child took up a new hobby that absolutely required the purchase of expensive equipment that is now cluttering up the family room (-2 points)
- Discovered a new podcast (1 point)
- Discovered a new TV series (1 point)
- Discovered you own more than 50 DVDs you’ve never watched (1 point for each DVD you can remember your reason for buying)
Need more points? Add an extra point for every dependent (pet or person) in your household who survived the spring and summer.
